What If Healing Is Integration, Not Erasure? Heart💖of Healing Trauma
- Upan Lifton
- May 2
- 3 min read
This post is part of our Heart of Healing Trauma series.
What if healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened… but remembering it differently?
What if healing isn’t about erasing pain—but learning how to carry it with tenderness?
We’ve been taught to chase the idea of “getting over it.”
To move on.
To be stronger.
To forget.
But healing doesn’t work like that.
🕊️ The Myth of Erasure
For many, the idea of healing feels impossible—because we’ve misunderstood what it is. We imagine healing means never feeling triggered again.
That we’ll wake up one day and no longer remember what happened.
That we’ll finally be the version of ourselves we “should’ve been” if the trauma had never occurred.
But that version never existed.
And the truth is—trauma changes us.
What healing actually asks is not to erase the past, but to integrate it.
🌱 What Healing Really Means
Healing is not the absence of pain—it’s the presence of wholeness. It’s the moment you realize:“This happened to me… but it does not define me anymore.”
Integration means you can remember without reliving. You can witness your triggers and choose your response.
You can hold grief in one hand and gratitude in the other. The wound becomes part of your story, but no longer your identity.
🌿 What Integration Feels Like
You feel safe in your body more often than not.
You notice when you're triggered—and respond with compassion.
You stop abandoning yourself when things get hard.
You begin to live, love, and connect without armor.
You become the loving adult your inner child needed.
You become the witness instead of the prisoner.
🍵 A Soft Metaphor
Imagine a piece of pottery once shattered and lovingly repaired with gold.
In Japan, this is called Kintsugi—a way of honoring the break by filling it with beauty, not hiding it. This is what healing can look like.
Not untouched.
Not unbroken.
But radiant—because of what you’ve lived through.
🤍Gentle Encouragement
If you’ve been told that healing means forgetting, or fixing, or pretending it never happened—I offer you this instead:
You are not broken.
You are becoming more aware of your wholeness.
You don’t need to return to who you were.
You are becoming someone even more beautiful: someone who has come through.
🧘♀️Mini Meditation for Integration
Returning to Wholeness
If you’d like to go deeper, here’s a short, simple meditation to begin gently integrating your healing journey.
Close your eyes. Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose… and exhale gently through your mouth.
Let your shoulders soften.
Let your jaw un-clench.
Let your belly relax.
Take another slow, deep breath in through your nose… and exhale gently through your mouth.
Now relax your breathing, (1or 2 minutes) simply watch it come and go, effortlessly, as it returns to its natural flow. As your breathe settles, picture a soft light at the center of your chest—warm, steady, and kind.
Now, bring to mind a part of yourself that still feels wounded… uncertain… angry... frustrated or tired.
Without trying to fix it or change it, just notice it, be aware of it. Then acknowledge it: I see you... I feel you... You are safe now.
Allow the light in your chest to gently surround that part, like a soft embrace.
Take another slow, deep breath in through your nose… and exhale gently through your mouth.
Breathe in: Wholeness - Is my True Nature
Breathe out: Compassion - Is a Gift to Myself
Say silently to yourself:“I am not broken.
I am becoming more whole.”
Give yourself a moment or two to notice and acknowledge any emotions you feel.
This is... what integration feels like for you, right now. Honor this feeling, recognize it as your own personal internal guide on your path to integration.
And when you’re ready, you can gently open your eyes.
Let this feeling stay with you today.
✨Reflection for the Journey:
What have I believed healing “should” look like?
What if I gave myself permission to heal differently—from the inside out?
✨If this touched something in you, share it with someone walking their own healing path. And stay tuned for Part 2: Why We Repeat the Pain.
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